I am however fully aware that between the 22nd & 29th of this month even crossing a road may be a serious problem.

“This is something to read when you’re sitting in the upcoming nine day traffic jam otherwise known as the 2019 UCI Road World Championships.” 

September 6th, 2019

What-ho my darlings!!
Apparently you lovely people quite like reading my blogs. I’m not really sure why – all I do is sit down in front of my usually otherwise occupied screen with a strong drink and desperately try to remember some amusing anecdotes from the previous weeks, cleverly intertwine them subliminal adverts for upcoming events and current offers that Trina sends my way, and take the p**s out of all the staff. Still, Trina says it’s time I wrote another one, a particularly long one to give you all something to read when you’re sitting in the upcoming nine day traffic jam otherwise known as the 2019 UCI Road World Championships.
Personally I can’t wait. I’m pretty cozy down here – fully stocked with refreshments of both liquid & solid varieties, and plenty of lovely helpers to cater for my every need without having to even cross a road. I am however fully aware that between the 22nd & 29th of this month even crossing a road may be a serious problem. As I mentioned, I’m in a very lucky position where this prestigious international sporting event isn’t going to upset my routine much at all, other than having a few more mouths to feed & water, and a few more twenties to count at the end of the day. I am however fully aware that for plenty of our local residents and businesses the whole carry on is going to create quite a sizeable headache, and I do have sympathy for those of you who see it as a negative due to the major disruption it will cause. However, I’d like to think that as proud residents of our lovely town we can all appreciate what a boost it is for our finances and our reputation and hopefully tolerate the inevitable inconveniences that come with it. Oh, and I get a slush machine out of it. Oh, I nearly forgot – Dario at Scran (Harrogate Hospitality & Tourism Awards Bar Person of the Year) has invented a cocktail for the occasion. It’s called “Marmalade on Toast” and it uses Slingsby’s of Harrogate brand new marmalade gin, and he says it’s very nice. It will be available for the duration of the lycra-fest at both Scran & The Badger. I’m a big fan of alcoholic drinks resembling breakfast flavours, cuts out a few morning guilty pangs.
>Meanwhile, back in the present – have you noticed that our award-winning beer garden has now got a whole new dimension to it?
Hang on, hang on, I’ve got to break off here – that’s just reminded me of a slightly awkward conversation I recently had with one of my lovely customers. She was sitting in the aforementioned beer garden, naturally admiring it in all it’s glory as you do, when she asked me to point her towards our award-winning “gin & tonic garden”. Now if you guys in marketing are going to rename part of my domain, it’d be nice of you to have the decency to consult me at some stage in the process, to avoid any further uncomfortable exchanges between myself and my guests. So may I say to the lady in question, my answer should have been “you’re sitting in it – lovely isn’t it”, and also may I take this opportunity to apologise for my ignorance and my incorrect implications towards your state of intoxication at the time.
So where was I? Oh yeah, have you noticed that our award-winning gin & tonic garden has now got a whole new dimension to it? Yes I know that Goffy’s flowers are even more amazing than ever. Yes, also the posh new heaters and copious blankets are preparing you for the upcoming less clement weather. That’s not what I’m talking about however. The music – of course, the music! Why did we not think ages ago that what you lovely people really needed to complete your al fresco Badger experience was the chance to listen to the fab eclectic playlist that we’ve started to get a bit of a reputation for. No longer do you need to be inside to get the full benefit of the Badger atmosphere – it’s now all on a plate for you outside too.
It’s funny when you’ve been open a while and built up an ever expanding clientele that appreciates what you do. Sometimes it’s natural to be a bit blase about the whole thing and take people for granted. Not this Mr Badger, not after umpteen years married to the lovely Mrs Badger, the thought of taking anyone for granted were earbashed out of me many moons ago believe me. So we like to tweak things we’ve already got that you appreciate to make you love us even more. Ever heard of a beer corridor? Well neither had I until that clever Daddy B realised the potential of putting some new posh perchy furniture in our lovely long hallway, bit of brass for Clarkey to polish, some new candles, and hey presto, a whole new area in which to enjoy your delectables – (Carys’s word – don’t blame me). Sometimes this new area is even more popular than the pub itself, so come on down to appreciate it before someone upstairs renames it the “corridor of uncertainty” or something without telling me.
Speaking of gin (God I’m getting good at this), did somebody say Tuesday 12th November Hepple gin dinner? I’ve bored you too often in the bloggy past with the monthly beer club. You know, the one that’s now embossed on many a social calendar around the area. The one that’s an excuse to let your hair down on the first Tuesday of every month and sample some of Yorkshire & the World’s finest beers paired with the chef’s delicious gastronomic delights. No, not that one. Every now and then we do a special one with something other than beer. So for £39 a head you get four amazing drinkies and four scrumptious courses – chef is even bringing back his famous “bowl of little fishes” dish. Book now while there’s still a few spaces left. It’s a hotter ticket than a Sunday at Headingley.
Well I think I’ve pretty much covered everything that I’m meant to have covered. Just read it back through to check I haven’t crossed the Duckett-line and all appears to be OK, so hopefully, before next time:
  • Harrogate will have successfully hosted another major international sporting event
  • The awesome foursome will have eventually returned from Bali and lavished me with duty-free gifts
  • Ike will have ironed his shirt
  • Someone will have invented Coco Pops flavoured gin
  • Leona will finally have admitted her true feelings for Clarkey
  • Nobody will have changed my name from Mr Badger without consulting me
Till next time…
Mr Badger x